I remember that when I was little I had this inner belief in a creator who had brought everything I know into existence. I remember how it felt to hold such a belief. It had given the little person that I was, a sense of belonging and meaning. In my heart, I believed that God had chosen me to live in this world for the short time, to learn to be a good human and to go to heaven when I died. I however needed to know how my parents felt about this as they were my ultimate role models.
I remember that I asked my mother first if she believed in God. She had confirmed that she had a belief in God but not in any such religion. This was confusing to me as I had thought that believing in God was all that I needed to feel this sense of belonging and purpose. I proceeded to ask my father about his belief in God, however he gave me the most vague answer you could give a young child. He had not even made his own mind up to whether God was real. I could sense he had a belief in a creator of sorts but had not decided if God was how the Christians described him. For a child of roughly six, answers not entirely black and white were often hard to digest. If the was not a yes from them, then my sense of security and purpose had began to fray.
As I was not like many six year olds I knew. I pretty much lived in my head trying to work out the word rather than live each day like other children. From a young age I had wondered if I was just imagining those around me, or was I in some sort of dream. How did I know if my world was real. I had questioned reality from a very young age. Who knew there was such things as existentialist children
I have come to think that if our parents don’t encourage that purpose and security given to us through a belief system, then how can we grow up to be stable adults. I often see many adolescents grow up thinking “What’s the point in life if you just die”?
I don’t think as a child I needed to know the ins and outs of a religion so much, but more the sense of a purpose and meaning to life given to us by our belief in a creator. It has taken me almost 23 years to reconcile my thoughts into the sturdy belief I should have had as a child. Now I have come to find the answers and truth through Islam, I no longer have questions about life, but more of a trust and sense of peace. I want to ensure that my own children grow up with that security I enjoy now, Inshallah.